7 Gentle Ruminations of 2023
I use a day or two, either before or after the much-marked day of December 31, to ruminate on the year that went by. Though not everything can be packed into 7, it is a nice number to restrict my enthusiasm to write endlessly. Without much preamble then:
1. Express a Bit Less: I slowly and surely took the step of not expressing everything that I did on social media. With the exception of posting about my marriage in all its glory, it did a whole lot good to travel to places, to read something wonderful, to be lost in a sunset, to go through life’s varied situations, without having to capture everything for posterity. It did a whole lot good, as I didn’t have some unknown pressure to capture everything on my phone and then spend another few hours deciding which among them was the best picture to post or what was the best caption to add along with it. You did things, you kept it within you and with whomever you shared the moment with. It was different, and the compulsion to keep expressing or sharing has almost died away.
2. Keep Yourself, a Bit Flexible: This has been quite a revealing aspect about myself, that I thought I was generally a very flexible person prone to adjusting very quickly to any situation; but I realized that I could be quite stuck-up about certain things. Like this had to happen in this way only. Ilandre (Nahi toh), I would lose my temper in a jiffy. Faced with multiple situations that did not go my way, I was tempered and cooked enough by life to know and understand that not everything will go the way I want it, or the way I plan it. It is good to keep a flexible self that leaves room for growth. Otherwise, with a fixed personality, I was weighing myself down quite at one place. And I realized that as we age and go north of the 30s, we tend to settle down into our ideas and anything else that is counter to that idea is a no-go. It was a nice change to face that aspect of myself head-on and allow enough room to accept the varied variety of life in all its facets. Ugly or beautiful, in acceptance there is growth.
3. Think Long Term, Act Long Term: I was the prime example of chasing instant results. If I started a company, I wanted instant success; if I took up a career, I expected rewards to flow in; If I began a diet, I wanted instant transformation. Unwilling to wait, I made all the mistakes of being short-sighted. I started the process of long-term thinking and acting about 3 years back, I would say. This year, I can see the bud-tips of that effort. It is yet to bloom, but I can see that it worth seeing the long-term bigger picture and most importantly acting long-term. When I say acting long-term, I mean in everyday dealings, you are not a vested interest in making some quick gains for yourself. You keep your own ideas of well-being aside for a while and be invested in what you can do for whoever or whatever is in front of you. You do things, that have no benefit for you now, but you will evolve at the speed of light. It sounds counter-intuitive, but small daily efforts in acting without the idea of some immediate gain, makes you naturally broad minded and with a larger heart, you invite lot more quality into life.
4. Get the Ego Beaten into a Pulp: I have had my ego beaten down to multiple pieces and ripped apart. It was a total breaking down of my idea of who I was. It served me well. I realized that the ego and the image that I had built was so fragile and prone to being affected. In being beaten down, the ego somewhere gone, I was free to see what is this whole self about. Because I was still standing without much of the ideas of my past and I was still surviving. Then without the untold pressure of many years of influence and conditioning, I was free to really see why I behaved or reacted the way I did. It was liberating I tell you! To have your ego ripped apart is painful, but it a good way to see your unconscious behaviors. Then you really move ahead, without the baggage of a past ego. It is a tremendous but subtle movement.
5. I am not that Important: It is a hard lesson initially, but gets easier once you see it completely. I faced it completely, that I am not that important in the world, as I make it out to be in my mind. I am playing some role handed out to me, and the best thing I can do is to play that role to best possible extent. It doesn’t mean I stepped back from striving or achieving or seeking. It is just that I realized that I don’t have to be or achieve what someone else if achieving or being. It is their journey and this is my journey. My journey is not more important than someone else’s. Someone else might be at a certain stage, and I felt unnecessarily jealous that I wasn’t there. Oh dear, how good it was to drop that. Dropping this desire to be important and recognized, I just did whatever I could, to the best of my abilities and if I may let in on a secret: it has been truly fulfilling and satisfactory.
6. A Whirlwind Life: I must admit that 2023 was tough, but it was also my busiest year, I would say. My days were packed, with work, emotions, travel, fights, laughter, joys and endless activity. I rarely had time to stop and think and reflect. One thing was done, and another ten things had already piled up for me to consider. Though at times, I prayed for slowing down, I did not stop it. I let it flow and went about attacking and facing situations and activities with a relentless sense of energy. The year has passed by in an instant. Only today, I am able to think and ruminate and write all this nonsense. Otherwise, it was breathtaking endless procession of one thing after the another. I was not bored even a single day. I am glad that it was so. I am looking forward to an even more packed 2024. Let it come, I say!
7. A Sense of Pride for Bharat: Many things have come to pass in the last 10 years, but last year was a full rounded realization of the direction that my country was taking. And I’m proud of the said direction. It swelled within me a need to contribute significantly to building this nation, in whatever way I can. This land is my Janma Bhoomi, my Karma Bhoomi. I owe it my today and even my tomorrow.